I am Ready to Outgrow

Keen to the spleen like the alphabet song. Something learned early. Automatic. Repeated. I may have created a monster more powerful than I can see. The future has already been foreseen if I continue down this ravine. Addiction never stops—it only progresses. I die in the sky next to cranes, in heaven’s eye, and there are a couple people I’d love to say hello to and hug another time. “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” — Carl Jung I ran toward the light. I am a divine presence of God. I feel grateful. Unbothered. I am thankful for each moment, living purely in the present. I now use discernment to navigate life rather than leaving it up to chance. Life feels peaceful from within—living outwardly aligned with God’s purpose for me and receiving the abundance I deserve. Through faith, these things are achieved, supported by my discipline to work every day on my body, mind, and spirit. I want to be happy with every aspect of my being. I want to run a nine-minute mile and execute ten pull-ups. Aligned. Determined. Reaching goals, then creating new ones. Reaching pinnacles of self, then extending past the mere thought of greatness into infinite possibilities through existence. I am making room for what is meant for me. I am homing in on my individuation. I am Ariana—and I face myself every second of the day. I want to be proud of myself, humbled by the certainty that God’s will is far greater than any experience I live through. Buoyancy within His grace. I embrace the truth that I am above certain things I once allowed myself privy to. I seek to understand my authentic self and refuse to let the opinions of others dictate how I feel about who I am. My softness is a superpower. Through it, I shed years of mistakes by creating new memories rooted in self-love—a lesson that took me over thirty years to learn, exponentially. I call on God and my ancestors instead of feeding the inconsistency and static of chaos outside of me, especially when loneliness tries to speak louder than truth. I am confident in the fact that I can and will do what is necessary to achieve success. I am intentionally designing my life to work intricately with every aspect of who I am. I am strong—and I can admit when I am weak and need rest. I am depth. I crave connection grounded in consistency and conscientious behavior. I am ready to outgrow living in the darkness. I am ready to outgrow trauma-bonded relationships. I am ready to outgrow giving more than I have, especially to people who lack the capacity to receive me. I am ready to outgrow negative bank accounts. I am ready to outgrow giving up on myself. I am ready to outgrow ignoring red flags and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. I am ready to outgrow reckless spending. I am ready to outgrow living only to survive. I am ready to outgrow a mindset of scarcity. Sometimes it’s hard to move in a specific direction when you don’t know where you’re going. For the past year and a half, that’s where I’ve been. Now, I have a general framework for the next five years of my life. It’s easy to say you want different. Words fall from our mouths every day. But wanting different and creating habits, discipline, and experiences that make that difference visible are two entirely different things. Yes—if someone wants something badly enough, they may stop at nothing to achieve it. Still, the journey itself requires intention, patience, and a willingness to move slowly and honestly. I’m here—with you, among you—rooting for you. Don’t give up. One step at a time. One day at a time. At every moment in time.